Once I was settledin the minivan taxi, the driver, who I have named Spencer (because he looked like a real crack head) peppered me with questions about my life and my flight information. I wasn't sure if he just wanted a really nice tip, or if he wanted to come along and impose himself as my fiance to eventually make me his drone of a wife named Heidi.
On the way to the airport he checked the fastest routes on his CB radio, which proved to be unhelpful. We ended up choosing the right way to the airport, and I made my entrance in a fashionably late manner. Hungover and tired, I began to introduce myself to all the people I had not yet met who were making this fabulous journey with me. Reluctantly, I made small talk with my new found friends and professors, waging our craziest fantasies about what might happen over the next 5 weeks.
Some possibilities:
- mauled by a monkey
- stranded at the Taj Mahal only to be found missing and hallucinating 2 days later
- the entire group was to get upgraded into first class for free because SMU suddenly realized how ridiculous their prices are
- someone in the group would get caught trying to smuggle bags of cocaine and opium back into the country
My two new found friends, Jenny and Brittany, and I decided to go get breakfast. Little did we know, this would be our last real meal for the next five weeks. We discussed all sorts of things, but all I can say now is that I did not eat enough at this sitting. I got cocky; I thought, surely, Indian food will be delicious, and if not, we will have other options... boy was I wrong. I am getting ahead of myself at this point.
Cut to the first plane.
Newark Airport: Now we were in for a ride. As we made our way through the Air India line to receive our boarding passes, I soon realized that my fear of smelling intense body odor would begin earlier than planned. We then shimmied our way through security a second time just incase we were able to pick up a shank or a bomb on the last plane.
The next 7 hours aboard the 777 aircraft were similar to having back to back charlie horse's accompanied with a severe case of ADD. I was so bored and twitchy I probably looked like a cocaine addict coming off of a 72 hour snort-o-thon.
Frankfort Airport: Because I never listen to flight attendant information, I was unaware our boarding passes were to be used to re-board the same aircraft after de-boarding in Germany. Tell me how this makes any logical sense... we got off the airplane with all of our carryon luggage, got on a bus, went to the terminal, stripped down a third time for security, had multiple passport checks while trying to get to our gate, all to get on the exact same aircraft and sit in the exact same seat we were in before. Furthermore, I somehow managed to do all of this without a boarding pass for the flight.
Indian fliers proved to be just as stupid as American travelers, crowding the gate as soon as first class was allowed to board. Much like my fellow Americans, the Indians would be in group 5 or 6, waiting impatiently next to the ticket scanner so that no one who was in groups 1-4 could board without being able to pass through via another dimension. It is interesting to me how much people complain about feeling cramped and crowded on flights, but do not have the common sense to wait until the last possible second to get on the flying hearse.
By the time I made it to seat 38A, I was ready to crash on my surprisingly comfy blow-up pillow that even Bare Grills would not turn down for a 7 hour flight. The next 5 hours were like an LSD trip coupled with severe exhaustion. My 5 hour nap was intermittently interrupted by the obnoxiously rude Indian flight attendants who have no qualms about waking you from a deep slumber and asking you if you preferred lamb or chicken. I always answered that I prefer the back of my eyelids, as if that was not already undeniably obvious.
Getting our luggage was like being a penguin surrounded by lions in an all you can eat blood-fest. No one could move, but everyone crowded the conveyor belt, waiting for their kill. I stood idly by taking in the madness that had taken over many of my fellow travelers. Of course, my bag was one of the very last to come around, and we soon were piling into the bus that would take us to our new home.
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